Dear drunk blonde girl holding two pizza boxes,

You mistakenly and obnoxiously buzzed our apartment not once, but about 5 times at 3 am last night, causing me to awake suddenly and scared that something was desperately wrong with one of my friends or family. When I pushed talk and asked "Who is it?!" you gave a clear, concise answer: "Me!" Unfortunately in the little crackled buzz box, your voice sounded very similar to Carisa or Olivia...so I buzzed your ass in.

When I went to my front door to let in a friend, I caught you in the stairway. Drunk, with two pizza boxes. You mumbled sorry and I slammed the door in your face.

I hope your pizza got cold!